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Stumpage Reports
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Monday, August 25, 2003 :::
The Ballad of Blind Melon Washington
He ambled into our lives and hearts one day with the mud of the Mississippi delta clinging to his well traveled feet . At first glance, he appeared to be an ordinary Ursus americanus and another in a long line of Elvis Presley imitators, but he soon became a blues icon. He quickly lost his Elvis voice. When he lost his sunglasses, we, his small group of acolytes, realized he was blind. With an assist from Okinawa Ed he began smoking. The later loss of a leg and his general disheveled appearance gave rise to the notion he had paid his dues and his accension into blues martyrdom, under the moniker "Blind Melon Washington," began.
Alas, Blind Melon was born to ramble, and he soon left. What began as a six-week engagement to entertain the troops in Kuwait, became a permanent gig. Blind Melon was spotted riding on an Abrams tank as part of the spearhead of the 7th Armored Calvary as they descended on Baghdad like the long-denied curse of a bayou hoodoo man.
With his USO entertaiment pass long out of date, the Pentagon interned him as an unlawful combatant. Blind Melon is currently at an undisclosed location. He was heard to remark as he was being led away, "When I sold my soul to devil at the crossroads, they told me I'd pay in the next life, not this one."
Blind Melon Washington may be out of our sight, but he is always with us, because he'll be all around in the dark - he'll be everywhere. Wherever you can look - wherever there's a fight, so hungry people can eat, he'll be there. Wherever there's a cop beatin' up a guy, he'll be there. He'll be there in the way guys yell when they're mad. He'll be there in the way kids laugh when they're hungry and they know supper's ready, and when people are eatin' the stuff they raise and livin' in the houses they built - he'll be there, too.
Translation if you're not when of the four people reading this who worked in Telephone Reference:
We had a succession of stuffed animals in tel ref. One was a stuffed bear with a guitar that sang "Hound Dog" when you squeezed him. He quicky lost his voice. Someone tore his sunglass off and we realized he had no eyes. Ed drilled a hole in his mouth and stuck a cigarette in it. Somehow he lost a leg. We started calling him Blind Melon Washington. One guy we worked with had to go to Kuwait to fullfill his Army reserve obligation. He took the bear with him and said the other guys liked him so much he left him there, end of story.
::: posted by tom at 10:49 AM
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