Stumpage Reports



Saturday, December 27, 2003 :::
 
I Saw Guns and Sharp Swords in the Hands of Young Children: or, the Most Macho Evening I've Had in a Long Time

The place smelled of cordite and WD-40 and I couldn't remember the last time I felt so out of place. A friend of mine recently came into a large cache of firearms and invited me to the local indoor range, his treat. I used to enjoy plinking at tin cans with my .22 when I was a kid, so in spite of my liberal-leaning, don't want to hurt anyone or make any loud noises personality, I decided to take him up on it.

The place we went to was a combination gun shop and indoor shooting range. Once you got past the terrorist hunting license in the window and the fact that all the sales staff were packing heat, it was just like any other retail establishment engaging in constitutionally protected commerce.

We had to watch a short safety video and take a little quiz before they let us loose on the firing range. The video featured "Jane, a mother of three, competitive shooter, and N.R.A. member." My favorite question on the quiz was: "True or False: after missing its target, a bullet will fall harmlessly to the ground."

It was awfully dim in the range itself, and by the time I put on the required ear and eye protection I felt like I was underwater. I got to shoot a 9mm Ruger that looked like a prop from Reservoir Dogs. When you expended the last bullet, the slide on the top of the gun stayed back, and if you were really good you could press the cartridge release with your thumb, and slam a new cartridge home to shoot some more .... paper targets. I also got to shoot some kind of Tokarev assault rifle. Not only did it shoot bullets, flames also came out of the barrel like you would not believe. Also I had fun with a little .25 semi-auto that could be hidden in the palm of my hand. It wasn't much good past 5 ft or so, but I imagine it would be excellent to carry in a purse and shove in the belly of someone who is not acting like a gentleman.

Of course we picked out the targets that featured human silhouettes. I got lots of body shots, and seemed to favor hitting people in the right shoulder. It's really hard to get a head shot. It was kind of fun and definitely something different for me to do, although I don't see myself doing it again anytime soon. I'm very grateful I don't need to depend on my shooting skills to eat or stay alive.

Last Listened To:

Bob Dylan Live 1975: the Rolling Thunder Revue.


::: posted by tom at 3:15 PM









I'd taken the cure and had just gotten through...

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